Joy in Less

I recently started helping teach 1st and 2nd grade church on Wednesday nights, and I have to say it is SUCH a blessing. I really didn't plan on taking on this responsibility, but it happened and I am really enjoying it. I have come to the realization that God specifically designed me to be a teacher, since I am currently in two teaching roles at church and I clearly teach through the week. I love teaching, being in the moment when the ones you work with are on the brink of understanding something new then - click. It happens. What a blessing that I get to be a part of that for so many kiddos.

Anyway, with my girls (at church) I have been encouraging them to seek and acknowledge "God moments" throughout the week.

I saw God in the eyes of a coworker and friend. One who cares so much it hurts her, who despite her difficult class keeps wondering what she is doing wrong.

It was in a genuine and honest conversation with coworkers after work. We are all struggling with a similar issue, in different ways.

My biggest "God moment" revelation of the day came at dinnertime. I did something unthinkable. Something I literally have not done since school started. I fixed supper, sat it down in front of Little Miss and I sat down to eat with her. I cannot believe I don't do this more, but she's two. One of the few moments she is sitting in one place is when she is eating, so usually I take these 15 minutes or so to switch laundry, put dishes in the dishwasher, wipe counters or do anything I can. But today, I fixed her tomato soup and a quesadilla (because we have been out of bread all week and I haven't had the energy to pack her up and try go to the grocery store. Mom fail.) As I proudly watched her quickly catch on to the idea of "dipping" I realized how many of these dinner I have missed. The fact is, she doesn't care if I get the counters wiped, or laundry switched. My daughter has no idea that I haven't mopped the floor in waaaaay too long, or that the mantle needs to be dusted. I am also blessed to have a great husband who doesn't really care either (though I have to admit sometimes I go back and forth on if that is a blessing or a curse. Tonight I'm going with blessing). So that brought me to the question - why do I care? Why am I so frantic that everything has to be perfect??

It's because I am focused on the worldly perception of my life. Being the perfect mother, wife, teacher and church member. Volunteering, taking Little Miss to cheer class, coaching, serving at church, cleaning, cooking meals. I am now preparing to host Thanksgiving for 20 people. Yikes! And the truth is, I'll never be perfect in one of those areas, much less all of them. This year (and I mean school year. It's a teacher thing to always be thinking about your "years" starting in August) I have really looked at what I do. I think that what I do should always help me grow as a person and demonstrate love, caring and compassion for others. What of these things give me joy? I prioritized and now I have fewer commitments, but I feel more passion and enthusiasm for what I committed to. Instead of being at Cheer class and thinking about what I need to do the next day I am engaged in the moment,  watching my daughter show pride while walking on the balance beam. What a joy it has been! Instead of working on school work while she plays I am playing with her, and it is an amazing thing to watch. She is literally taking in everything around her. "Oh no, I'm stuck", I say as we are playing. Her response, "I help you. Oh no...TOOODLES". (Mickey Mouse Clubhouse reference, for those of you who don't have little ones).

So if she is absorbing everything around her, what I am instilling in her little heart? To rush from one thing to another, to say "yes" to every commitment people ask until you are overwhelmed? Not anymore. I am finding more joy in "doing" less (though what I have on my plate seems to be plenty to fill my day)  Engaging in the moment, focusing on commitments that you find joy in doing and slowing down long enough to focus and feel content that you are right where God has placed you.

And the dusty floors? They can wait, because a princess tea is much more important.

The Summer of Two

Things that I always want to remember about this summer:

1. How Little Miss says "Popsicle". A very confused friend asked me why my daughter was asking for a pocketbook.

2. Pretending to drown at the pool so lifeguard will save her. 

3. Having tea parties in her playhouse. It's amazing how anything she wanted would come out of the faucet in her playhouse. Even watermelon :) 

4. How when Josh and I would go into another room and come back 2 min later she would hug us and say "I miss you." Sometimes we didn't even leave the room at all. 

5. As I am writing this Little Miss climbed behind me and said "Me check diaper." Then pulled at my shorts and  said "No poopy. All clean". Then pats my back and says "Good Mommy."  

6. At her birthday putting her hands on her cheeks and shouting "Oh My Gosh". At a present. I believe it was Aunt Katie's Rapunzel Doll and matching dress that did the trick. 

7. Her first kiss, which was with her friend from church. It was in the church parking lot and possibly one of the most adorable things I have ever seen. I told her to say "Good-bye" to him and she gave him a hug, then grabbed his cheeks and planted a huge kiss on his lips. Usually her kisses are followed by an "I love you". To be honest  I can't remember if this particular one did or not, but when I tell the story when she is 16 years old you bet that I'm including the "I love you".

8. The pool - Her beaming face when she went down the toddler slide, how much she loved watering everyone's legs, swimming and blowing bubbles in the water.

9. When I ask her to go to bed and she says "No Mommy. Dance!!" and starts dancing around the living room. 

Conversations with a Two year old.

At the doctor for her 2 year check-up I was told that Little Miss talks like a 3 1/2 year old. Considering that since Kindergarten my report card always had a check mark next to "Avoids unnecessary talking", I am not surprised. This was the conversation in the car on the way home. 

Little Miss: "Mommy?"
Me: "Yes, Honey?" 
LM: "I see baby elephants."
Me: "You want to see baby elephants?"
LM: "Yeah. Baby elephants at the zoo." 
Me: "Oh, Ok."
LM: "With Mommy elephant and daddy elephant too. Hugs and kisses for baby elephants."
-Pause- 
LM: "No Gorillas. Scare me gorillas." (we are still looking on pronouns). 
Me: "Ok. We don't have to see the gorillas."
LM: "Yeah Mommy. See baby elephants. I love you mommy" (Heart Melt) 

I am beginning to love our car conversations. I think it is because we are both just sitting (which neither of us are good at when we are home). I've started to use these times to foster our relationship and conversations. It makes me look forward to this form of quality time at 5, 8, 13. I know our lives are going to keep getting busier and in all the craziness I am enjoying our bonding that happens when driving. 

LM: "Mommy. Love family"
Me: "You love your family?" (It must be the teacher in me- always questioning.)
LM: ":Yeah. Love my family"
Me: "Who is in your family that you love?"
LM: "ummm...I think Katie mom. I love Katie". 

Here is the slightly scary part of this: She is beginning to sound just like me. At 2 years old I have already molded the way she speaks, acts and interacts with other people. Yikes! It's a much needed reminder though and her imitation has helped me to make a conscious effort to do a couple things in the way I talk and act. 
1) Think before I speak
2) Show grace
3) Be kinder than necessary. 

So I guess we are both kind of helping each other become better people. What a blessing this motherhood thing is turning out to be. <3 

This "Two" Shall Pass

As I sit here on my daughter's 2nd birthday I am amazed. I am the mom of a two year-old. There are so many precious little moments I never want to forget and regretfully, some that I am sure I have. I don't know if it's the sleep deprivation that comes with a little one, or the struggle of it all, but suddenly here we are. So I started this to jot down some thoughts, ideas and memories as my daughter and any more children as they might come along (God-Willing). 

"This too shall pass" has been a phrase I have leaned heavily on the past couple years. I have used the phrase to comfort friends going through break-ups, support moms' who are sharing their struggles with their families and ease the distress of my husband as he may struggle at work. "This too shall pass". 

I have thought it to myself many times at work. In the thick of IEP season when I feel overwhelmed with work, when I go home feeling as though I failed another student, or when I have a tense meeting or conversation with a co-worker that leaves me frazzled and unsure of next steps. "This too shall pass." 

I have re-assured myself with this phrase when raising my sweet little one. Starting with my pregnancy and the complications that arose and continuing with the struggle to nurse. The nights Josh was at work and I was out of patience and just needed a break. Needed someone else to rock the crying baby or shush the dog or wash bottles. Here I am...openly admitting it for the first time. I had those nights. And as I was crying, wishing I had family close that I could call I would think to myself "This too shall pass Sarah, this too shall pass." 

Today here I was, sitting on the couch, watching Toy Story for the millionth time this summer. I had a little girl who refused to let me get up to clean. Here we were two days AFTER her birthday party and my house still looks like a war-zone. Dishes piled, balloons and bubble toys everywhere, wrapping and new toys strewn all over the house. I took a deep breath and thought to myself "This too shall pass." 

Then Little Miss looked up at my and said "Cuddle Mommy." and started rubbing my arm. Gently. Sweetly. It hit me. "This too shall pass". For the first time the phrase didn't offer comfort, but caused my heart to be heavy. Toy Story characters and other toys strewn about the living room, dress-up beads and hairbows under the couch, sippy cups and cupcake crumbs on the floor. Then I looked at the sweet, loving now TWO-year old cuddled on my lap and realized that this too will pass. There will be a day when I don't have toys on my floor, when she makes other plans for her birthday and I have the ability to have my house perfectly picked up, mopped and  read a book. Right now, in this moment, I don't want that home. I want this version of my family and my home. My home may look like a tornado hit, but it has brought smiles and giggles to both of us all day long. I want to keep the cuddly girl who loves books. The girl who wants me to hold her hand down the slide and demands my attention by saying "Look at this", or "I did it Mommy". The little girl that stops playing at the pool to run over, sit on my lap and cuddle. My heart is heavy as I read those things and inevitably have to type "This too shall pass."

It has already started. My name has evolved from "Mama" to "Mom". The phrase "No mommy, I do it" is frequently used in our house. Today we visited a new daycare and almost immediately she wiggled her tiny hand out of mine and ran to the other kids. It's starting. The little moments are fleeting soon she will be 3, then 4 then 13, 18, 21. If only this all could go a little slower. 

A friend of mine posted on Facebook today about being in a sweet spot of parenthood. Where her kids don't need as much, can help out and aren't in constant need of attention. I began to envy her place in parenting.  Then I realized I didn't want to trade my cheerio-laden sofa, my floor that is sticky with bubbles and spilled milk or my master bath filled with bubble toys. This is my home. This is my life. These are my loves. 

So today I am making a choice. A conscious choice that I should have made earlier in life. I am choosing to make this stage, and each on thereafter the "sweet spot". Her sweet kisses, sweet little voice saying "I love you", her sweet pats on the back when I get her up from a nap. Yup...It sounds like a sweet spot to me. 

photo credits: JP Photography