"This too shall pass" has been a phrase I have leaned heavily on the past couple years. I have used the phrase to comfort friends going through break-ups, support moms' who are sharing their struggles with their families and ease the distress of my husband as he may struggle at work. "This too shall pass".
I have thought it to myself many times at work. In the thick of IEP season when I feel overwhelmed with work, when I go home feeling as though I failed another student, or when I have a tense meeting or conversation with a co-worker that leaves me frazzled and unsure of next steps. "This too shall pass."
I have re-assured myself with this phrase when raising my sweet little one. Starting with my pregnancy and the complications that arose and continuing with the struggle to nurse. The nights Josh was at work and I was out of patience and just needed a break. Needed someone else to rock the crying baby or shush the dog or wash bottles. Here I am...openly admitting it for the first time. I had those nights. And as I was crying, wishing I had family close that I could call I would think to myself "This too shall pass Sarah, this too shall pass."
Today here I was, sitting on the couch, watching Toy Story for the millionth time this summer. I had a little girl who refused to let me get up to clean. Here we were two days AFTER her birthday party and my house still looks like a war-zone. Dishes piled, balloons and bubble toys everywhere, wrapping and new toys strewn all over the house. I took a deep breath and thought to myself "This too shall pass."
Then Little Miss looked up at my and said "Cuddle Mommy." and started rubbing my arm. Gently. Sweetly. It hit me. "This too shall pass". For the first time the phrase didn't offer comfort, but caused my heart to be heavy. Toy Story characters and other toys strewn about the living room, dress-up beads and hairbows under the couch, sippy cups and cupcake crumbs on the floor. Then I looked at the sweet, loving now TWO-year old cuddled on my lap and realized that this too will pass. There will be a day when I don't have toys on my floor, when she makes other plans for her birthday and I have the ability to have my house perfectly picked up, mopped and read a book. Right now, in this moment, I don't want that home. I want this version of my family and my home. My home may look like a tornado hit, but it has brought smiles and giggles to both of us all day long. I want to keep the cuddly girl who loves books. The girl who wants me to hold her hand down the slide and demands my attention by saying "Look at this", or "I did it Mommy". The little girl that stops playing at the pool to run over, sit on my lap and cuddle. My heart is heavy as I read those things and inevitably have to type "This too shall pass."
It has already started. My name has evolved from "Mama" to "Mom". The phrase "No mommy, I do it" is frequently used in our house. Today we visited a new daycare and almost immediately she wiggled her tiny hand out of mine and ran to the other kids. It's starting. The little moments are fleeting soon she will be 3, then 4 then 13, 18, 21. If only this all could go a little slower.
A friend of mine posted on Facebook today about being in a sweet spot of parenthood. Where her kids don't need as much, can help out and aren't in constant need of attention. I began to envy her place in parenting. Then I realized I didn't want to trade my cheerio-laden sofa, my floor that is sticky with bubbles and spilled milk or my master bath filled with bubble toys. This is my home. This is my life. These are my loves.
So today I am making a choice. A conscious choice that I should have made earlier in life. I am choosing to make this stage, and each on thereafter the "sweet spot". Her sweet kisses, sweet little voice saying "I love you", her sweet pats on the back when I get her up from a nap. Yup...It sounds like a sweet spot to me.
photo credits: JP Photography
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