Enjoying the Quiet

As many of you know, this blog was started for Aubrey. It is for things I want to tell her or teach her. At least 85% of my intention. The other 15% is to help me process and think about her growing up and it makes me take time to reflect. Writing forces me to take a break and just think. No offense to you (my reader), but I'm not writing this for you. If you read it and like it that is great! I appreciate the kind words, if you don't read it or don't agree, no big deal to me. These are just my thoughts.

Recently I have been thinking a lot about what I want to teach Aubrey. There are a lot of things, which will probably come in future posts, but one has really been on my heart lately. Something I want her to learn, as well as something that I am working on. What I want her to know is how to be content in the quiet. Not just content, maybe even to enjoy quiet.

One of the best parts about this post is when it came to me. I was cleaning a toilet - no joke, on my knees cleaning one of grossest things in my house. I found myself feeling content, even happy, though that is such a weird feeling to have when cleaning a toilet. We were waiting for friends to come over, dinner was in the oven, the house was clean, Aubrey was napping, Josh was flipping through the magazine. No electronics, no extra noise, nothing going on, but it was the nothing that made me so content.

That got me thinking about how I want Aubrey to enjoy those quiet moments. I was happy exactly where I was, serving my family and friends and cleaning my toilet. We live in a world where there is always opportunity for visual, auditory or even mental "noise". With the tv, ipads, and our phones, Josh and I have to make a conscious effort not to get sucked into those things all the time. I can only imagine as technology continues to evolve that the struggle to disconnect from the noise to continue. I am amazed at what simple joy and clarity comes from unplugging and cutting out the noise. I want Aubrey to learn just because you can always be connected doesn't mean that you should always be connected.

It's not just the quiet moments I want her to learn to enjoy, but also the quiet stages in life. Josh and I are in one of those right now. I am nearing my late-20s I  and have been working hard towards my "future" as long as I can remember. I realized the other day that I made it. I am in the exact future that I have always wanted. I have met all my major goals in life. We own a nice house in a wonderful community, I teach and feel as though I am doing well in my profession, I have the fabulous friends, a wonderful, loving husband who supports me in every way and a spunky little girl who is perfect in every way. It hit me on the way into work the other day - I have everything I wanted. Everything I have prayed for since I was a little girl. This is the future I worked so hard to get. I finally am here.

I think part of it is that the momentum in my life has slowed down. High school seemed to start the whirlwind. Working towards college, extra curriculars, college applications, starting to figure out life, and who you are as a person. Yikes. From there it is college. Choose a career, study, earn a good GPA, volunteer, study abroad, mission work, student teaching, then graduation. I got my job but it didn't stop. Move, get married, buy a house, have a baby, buy a new house, move again. During all of this I have also gone through my first five years of teaching, in which I felt as though I was constantly growing and learning in my profession.  It has been a whirlwind, for as long as I can remember, but the past six months have seemed to slow down. We are finally "settled" into our house, I feel like I know what I am doing at work (some days). The little one isn't demanding my constant attention has gained some independence and is letting me sleep through the night (most nights). and Josh and I have a marriage communication and routine figured out. These days I feel as though I finally have a chance to breathe.I am happy with all parts of my life.

Then, why don't I feel content on some days? Growing up our parents, teachers, coaches and everyone else encourages us to keep improving and keep moving forward. People who tell us to never stop dreaming, work harder, plan ahead, get promotions, get another degree, keep moving forward. I feel like I am supposed to always be working towards something, but I'm at the point where I don't know what that something is,  because I am happy where I am. No one tells us what to do when we finally get to where we dreamed of. To be honest, it can be kind of anti-climactic. We are designed to always be thinking ahead and think about our future. This causes us to always be searching for something "more". I know there is more in my future, more kids (hopefully), Master's Degree, maybe a different job? Well, those things will be there, and my life will continue to evolve and change. For now I am going to enjoy the "quiet" phase I am in. That is what I want to show my daughter. That working hard and planning for the future is important, but enjoying the "quiet" in life is just as important.