You should write that down...

I know, this hasn't been updated in awhile. There isn't much new with my family, so I didn't think I needed to. Then I got all of these sweet Christmas cards in the mail with family updates and totally felt guilty that I didn't do one. So, here is my Christmas letter, via blog post :) 

I continue to love my job. Every day I get to work with some of my best friends and I have the best classes this year. I am taking some interventionist classes, which are great and I love trying out all the new things in my classroom.  We had a fabulous Christmas break together. J had two weeks off as well so we had lots of time together as a family! Which is particularly fantastic since it seems like we never seem him lately. This is his third year working at Caterpillar and he continues to have his woodworking business, Morton Woodworks. This year had brought great things for his business and holiday orders boomed! We are looking forward to seeing what 2015 brings for both of us. 

 A is loving preschool, her sitter, dance and tumbling! Tumbling and cheer is where she shines though. She got a Hawkeyes cheer outfit for Christmas and immediately stood J with one leg up and hit a pose. The girl know what she wants and she wants to cheer! I have never been one to be pushy with her, but I can see her light up when we go to the gym. And we all know she has the voice for it!  She watches the older girls with such intensity and the 4 year old coach has talked me about letting her join next year. So, that may be on the horizon for this little one! 

Since the beginning A has had quite the personality, but it seems that we've hit the peak of funny things she says. She makes up songs about everything and has become quite the story teller. I am constantly being told "You should write that down", so here it goes! I am sure I will continue adding to the list over the last couple months. 

Daddy: I just love cuddling with you.

A: I love....grapes

In church, talking about how our Bibles look different, but they are all the same. 

A: I have a Bible, but it's all about tiaras. 

9:30pm - she had been in bed for over an hour and J and I were sure she was sleeping.  Suddenly we hear- "Mommmm!!! Mom!! - Do birds eat worms?"

Picking up Aubrey from daycare: 

Sitter: Aubrey told me the family secret! 

Me: What secret? 

Sitter (whispering): She told me the big news.

Me: (whispering): What's the big news?

Sitter: She told me about the baby in your belly. 

Me: There's no baby in my belly.

Sitter: Oh, well I was confused because then she said it was brown. 

Me: What do you want Santa to bring you?

A: A brown baby. Like a real one, from your belly. 

Me: Oh, honey Santa can't bring that.

A: Ok, then I'll just take a cat named Sasha. 

Me: I don't think Santa can bring live gifts on his sled. 

A: Hmm...can I just have some new lipstick then? 

We also had A's first church Christmas program, in which she itched her bottom under her dress and when I tried to get her to stop she lifted her dress clear up to show me where it itched! Yikes. Then when I corrected her (as subtly as I could in front of the whole congregation) she covered her mouth, like Betty Boop and said "Oops". 

Now, for her preschool program. She did great. Singing loudly, paying attention. I was proud. Until they got out the bells...They clearly were supposed to be ringing them to accompany the song. About halfway through, I see Aubrey start glancing down at her dress. She does this two or three times and next thing I know....there they are, down the dress. Yup. that's my daughter, with the bells down her chest.

Barbies have taken over our house. They dance together and sing "Once Upon a Dream" A LOT. 

We also play "teacher", which consists of her reading a book and asking me questions. I love this particularly because I can tell exactly  what happens at preschool.

Her prayers are really sweet. On orphan Sunday we sat in what will hopefully one day be a nursery in the house and prayed, J and I explained that orphans are little boys and girls that don't have mommies or daddies. Her response? 

"Hey! You guys (pointing to J and I) are mommies and daddies. Maybe you can be their mommy and daddy. I can share you guys." 

Each stage is getting better and better! I continue to fall more in love with the person that she is becoming. 

August

What a difference a year makes. I have come to a point where I no longer measure my life in my birthdays. My years start and end in August. Part of this is Little Miss's birthday is July 29th and part is the new school year. My anniversary is August 7th, so there is also a new beginning there. Last year, on my little one's birthday, I started this blog last year as a way to remember Aubrey's youth and things I want to tell her and teach her. Looking back, I had no idea where this writing would take me and the many things I would encounter. I would have never guessed where I would be, writing the blog a year later. 

Last year I imagined I would be writing this with a new baby, and if not I was sure I would be expecting. But I look and see a stack of fertility paperwork on the table and a stack of adoption information and applications. Not knowing what path to choose we are still waiting. Waiting longer than I ever thought I would and being more unsure than ever about next steps. What a difference a year makes. 

I imagined writing this with Josh's work schedule changing. As many of you know, he is gone most of the week for work. It was a "temporary" change, two years at the most. We are now inching in one three years. Two years seemed workable, but this extra year has seemed to become more exhausting. Little Miss notices that Daddy isn't here and misses him. She understands the idea of him being gone and cries for him to come home. In the past it was part of our routine and she didn't think twice about Daddy being gone all the time. 

Externally, things have changed. Aubrey is taller and the thick curls are running wild. My kitchen is remodeled with new granite and beautiful cabinets. Looking back on last years post I can see an evolution in the toys scattered across my living room. Last year it was stuffed Woody, Buzz and Jessie. This year it is sophisticated Barbies, dress up clothes and real puzzles she can actually complete on her own.  She is no longer in diapers (can I get a Hallelujah?!) She is starting preschool, talking like an eight year old and into independence. She has grown up into a little girl and I have to say, it is amazing to watch the beautiful little girl she is growing into. What a difference a year makes. 

Looking at work, there have certainly been changes in that aspect this year for both Josh and I. Some of them have been positive and some have been complicated. We have grown as professionals and friends. I am not the educator that I was a year ago.

Financially.. (Ok, I just had to take a deep breath. I hate discussing finances, but I think this is worth noting) Anyway, financially we have made leaps and bounds on becoming debt free. We are within reach of only having a mortgage and one car payment. Like I said, I am not one to share much about finances, but this has been such a rewarding process this year. What a difference a year made on our finances. 

Looking back on this year, there have clearly been highs and lows. I know that I am not the same person I was a year ago. Last year at this time I was anticipating certain changes and as you read above, many of those things stayed the same. Instead of situations changing, I have changed and after all, I can't say that waiting on these big events for so long doesn't change you. It hit me as I was thinking over this post in the car I couldn't help but feel discouraged. This year held such high hopes that I can't help but feel a little disappointed. But I am still holding on with anticipation, waiting and that's okay. This year will have wonderful things in store. Two of my best friends are welcoming their beautiful babies into the world. I am learning new things and growing as an educator and I excited to help my students. 

Looking forward to this next year with my family, I continue to be anxious. My goal for this year is to trust in God's timing and plan. Easier said than done for a perfectionist who tends to be a little of a control-freak! My verse for this year is Philippians 4:6 Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Though I have some discouragement, when looking back there is no doubt that I owe Him thanks because he has done more than I ever deserved. 

I already know this year won't go as expected. I will have highs and lows and I need to give up control on what I think the year should hold. This is not about me. In the meantime, I will continue to be writing because I am looking forward to seeing what a difference this next year will make. 

Waiting

As a lot of you know, we are waiting for our 2nd child. Many of you read my "Struggling" post in February and I want to thank everyone for the encouragement and kind words. I was hesitant to write the post and it was difficult to share my struggle, but I am thankful I did. Many of you shared with me and it has really helped me cope with everything that is going on with our family.

I know some of you have wondered, a few have asked for an update. Unfortunately, there is not much to say. We went through many doctors appointments and various tests this spring and the results were not encouraging. We have spent the last few months praying, focusing on our family, praying and waiting for our next steps to become clear.

We don't have an answer yet, but this child is so real in our hearts. There isn't a day that I don't think about this child. I know that Little Miss and J feel the same way.

We have so many options, it is overwhelming. International Adoption, Domestic Adoption, Many different Fertility Treatments, it is overwhelming. We don't know what is in the plans yet, but we want this child to know that he/she is in our hearts and on our minds. There is so much love in all of our hearts for this child. We don't know when we will finally get this blessing, or how he/she will join our family, but our message is clear in our hearts. We cannot wait to meet you, Little One. We love you and we are anxiously waiting.